Son, you can pee anywhere in the world now.

Today is a big day.  HUGE day.  I admit to being really lazy when it comes to potty training my son.  It was drilled into my brain that boys are harder to train and take longer, etc etc, so I used that to my full advantage to just not bother with it.  Honestly, just trying to control my son in public is hard enough.   The thought of adding a whole new element made me nervous.  I mean, diapers are expensive, but not as expensive to my ego as a screaming kid in urine-soaked pants.  AND, since I was pregnant before, I realized a lot of places just don't have convenient bathrooms.


I, like most parents, believe my kid is a genius and I have to admit that some social pressure influenced me into taking this more seriously.  My kid is huge and has good speech for a 2 yr old.  Many moms have assumed he was 4 yrs old which really started to take a toll on me.  Here I was all proud of him, but then I realized if he looks that old, most moms are silently judging me with the "That boy is 4 and still in diapers!?!?! What is that mom's problem!?!?!"  or "That boy is too old to not share and play well with others.  He must be slow."  I have always prided myself in NOT asking the intrusive playground questions (how old is he/she, are they potty-trained, do they know their abc's, are you starting preschool, etc etc)  I didn't have my child to compete so I really don't care what YOUR child can do.  When it came to potty-training, am I the only mom that thinks actually being able to go throughout your day uninterrupted and just having your child pee their pants is the best idea ever?  If it was socially acceptable, I would wear a diaper on occasion just to avoid the elusive bathroom at an over-crowded children's museum.


But, like many parenting tasks that have to be done, I knew that someday I would have to be encouraging and potty train this child.  With another one on the way it did pop up on my list of "Things To Stop Being Lazy About".  I got the kid a $4 potty from Ikea, some Pixar Cars undies, and a Dora toilet seat cover (courtesy of all my stolen points I have accumulated via the internet and entered onto the Pampers Gifts to Grow website).  The kid took to it like I had just got him the best new game ever.  Then after a week at my parents house, I told him he needed to learn to pee while standing up.  I said "If you pee standing up, you can pee anywhere in the world at any time."  He bought that.  He was on the fast-track to big boyness.  Then my child amazes me:


We had his "big boy" class today.  I put him in a diaper b/c while I feel good about my potty-training at home, the lazy side of me tells me to just forget about it in public and put the kid in a diaper when we go out.  He goes to his class by himself and I sit in the hall and chit chat with the other moms.  Mostly this is an interesting introduction into the motives of moms.  Do they want new friends?  Do they want to recruit you to be a Mary Kay rep?  Or maybe they just want to throw in a few brags about their child and their social abilities.  Since this homie don't play that, I usually throw in some shortcomings to ease the motherly tension.  Mid-class, the teacher brings my Jerry outside and she says "Mommy, he has to go potty!".  She has a smile, my son is holding his weiner, and all moms eyes point at me.  You know what I said (like a total dumbass)?  "He's wearing a diaper".  Then she thrusted him to me even further.  I could see that I messed this one up.  A "good and enthusiastic" mom should say "Oh, Jerry, you big boy, let's go potty!  Yay!!!!"  I really just wanted him to pee his diaper and finish class.  Then it clicked...this is it...this is one of those maternal moments all women yearn for.  This is the "i got my sh*t together and am the world's greatest mom" moment.  This is that moment I desire as I carry my screaming toddler out of Target like a bundle of firewood all b/c I wouldn't buy him a new Matchbox car.  This is when all the moms look at ME with envy and surprise b/c *gasp* her son is potty-trained!!!!  I grabbed my sweet Jerry and asked his teacher where the bathroom was.  We ran giggling to a women's bathroom and I ripped off his diaper.  My son, like a 45 yr old man at a urinal of a bar, stood at the toilet and peed a long stream that almost brought a tear to me eye.  I then assembled his diaper back on while he was standing (and added "Pull Ups" to my mental grocery list) and we headed back to class.  I held my head high and sat down like this was an everyday occurrence.  Inside I was grinning ear to ear.  No one had to know that was our first public pee.


And today was a good day...

This IS heaven (dammit!)

So it's been almost exactly a year since my first real post.  That post was about how I really DO have free time.  Soooooo...


Truth is, I lost interest in a blog and figured why write a blog when no one will read it and then I realized maybe I never do want anyone to read it!  BUT, if there's one person I would want to read it right away, that'd be my husband.  After I lost my job and decided to stay home, he works his butt off to pay the bills and would love a glimpse into what antics are going on at home and maybe what's going on in my head.  Hell, we both know that deep, childless conversations only happen for us about once a month.  I bet he'll be my first follower.


The past year has brought alot of parental frustrations (as my husband frequently reminds me: this is the easiest its going to be, even if it seems hard),  a series of colds, a childless road trip, the birth of a new nephew, many general epiphanies about how great my life really is, and impregnation.  That's right.  Being a full-time, stay-at-home mom not only led me to create a blog so that I have something of my own, but now I throw caution to the wind and welcome a little more chaos into my humble abode.  


Raising (a.k.a hanging out) with my toddler son has taught me to loosen up, have fun, and just enjoy what you have.  When I first lost my job I actually intended on getting up at 5:30am everyday and showering like I was going to work (which I had done since I graduated college).  I took this "stay-at-home" mom thing SERIOUSLY.  I wasn't gonna be no frumpy, disgruntled housewife.  Then I realized this is a really hard job.  I also realize that moms like to complain about how hard this job really is. You create a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven (thanks again, hubby).  This is my heaven and there ain't no hell about it!  Plus, I think I've done such a kick-ass job with my brilliant and funny son, that I deserve a promotion and more responsibility.  The new promotion will officially occur in October.


My last thought:  Today is April Fool's.  Thanks to my son's addiction to the cartoon, "Caillou", he fully grasps this concept of trickery.  The tricks on the show were totally lame, but I sat and acted like they were brilliant (they were age-appropriate, I guess).  Since we are at my parents for a few days, I told him we should play an April Fool's joke on his grandparents.  Maybe some shaving cream on the toilet seat?  Fake poop on the floor?  NO WAY!  My darling 2 yr old son thought it'd be best to wear a ski mask and scare them.  Since ski mask wearing people hiding in your home is never very funny (especially over the age of 65), we settled for some dragon roars.

Leisure time my ass! Oh, wait...

I am now the "modern" housewife, so I do get to watch Dr. Phil (or atleast record Dr. Phil). Many people don't like his show and I understand, but it is sometimes quite amusing. Today the show was all about women going CRAZY about a doctor's study that stay-at-home moms have 30-40 hours of leisure time each week. Bu*lsh&t!!! So I tried to calculate what I had:

If I add the 45 min I try to get up before my son does, the 1.5 hr nap he takes each day, and the 2-3 hours that I am still awake after he goes to bed, I do have 30 something hours. I was quite surprised! Then I realized that my "leisure" time is full of showering, dinner prep, washing & cleaning of fruit, power naps, swiffering the floors, cleaning up 27 Matchbox cars, making lists of things to make lists of, etc- I maybe have 12 hrs. (This, of course, is after 19 months of child-rearing and being back to a normal schedule for my life in general. Having a new baby and dealing with the life change that presents is a WHOLE OTHER STORY!)

I'm NOT complaining. One thing I have realized is that I am more sufficient with my leisure time. It may have taken a weekend of laying on the couch doing absolutely nothing for 36 hrs straight to feel somewhat rejuvenated. Now, if I can get up a teeny tiny bit early and enjoy 1 cup of coffee and 24 minutes of some sleazy reality show I recorded the night before, I feel like a new woman.

It's not that I think I'm a rare breed, but I hate to fall into the whole "poor me" routine that most stay-at-home moms have. (Don't hate me!) When I got married and we talked about having kids, we had discussed that I would eventually stay at home and raise them. I was ecstatic about that. I went thru a decade of going to a job that I tolerated simply b/c I had done it so long I was good at it, and also I loved the people there. BUT, I always dreamed about how someday I will be that woman who is walking down the street with the stroller. I mean, what an easy job, right? Well, this is the hardest job I've ever done. A bad day at the office may have been a dirty look from your boss or some ridiculous person on the phone making ridiculous statements to you. A bad day at the "office" now involves blood, possible head trauma, an apple lodged in my son's trachea, tears and fits for hours on end, and blood drawn on my own body. But unlike the previous job, this is one that I am completely into and addicted to. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Then I realize that I am it. Right now. The events of the world that affected the economy that affected my job loss made it all happen sooner than we ever thought, but it happened.

I may not be as polished and physically clean as I used to be, but I am dedicated and having a blast. It only took about 6 months of on the job training, but I have the hang of this whole mother/wife thing! I went from clock-watching and looking forward to the next nap time to just living. Thru living, I realize that I am happy. I don't need drama, I don't need to find things wrong, I just need to realize that I am truly happy and a very lucky girl.

A pretend intro...

I spend my days (and sometimes nights) with the most charming and "free-spirited" little boy I have ever met. He's all mine and I love it. Lucky for him, not only can I present a damn good fruit platter upon nap-time wake ups, I can also do the best impressions of every character he may be into at the time. I have spent most of my grown up years working, so when I was laid off, taking care of him, my husband, and my home became my new thang. A 50's kinda housewife with an appreciation for the pilgrims, but with waaaaayy better dance moves.